Laught Till I cry Again

Damn you! People with too much time creativity and You tube!

Necrophilia?

Found this gem in the Metro today.
Let's go over the key points:
1. This is apparently in the Necrophilia section of the paper? I hope its not next to the obituaries, as that could be disastrous.
2. Having sex with dead people only got voted down 5-2 in Wisconsin, which means there are two appointed judges who had the "Eh, fuck it" attitude towards this topic.
3. Reason number 1,249 why i will not move to Wisconsin
4. I guess the main reason for the decision was "dead people can't give consent", and not because its fucking disgusting and deranged and demented and crazy.
5. Does this mean people will have the right to have their tombstones engraved with things such as "Feel free to Fuck my dead body." and that would make it OK?
6. This person who fucked the corpse had two freinds who were apparently good enough freinds to help this guy out? WTF. How does that conversation go? "Dude what are you doing this weekend? Nothing? Oh can you help me dig up someone to fuck?

Fast Food=Bad

If you can't read the sign


I think that all fast food establishments should come with warnings.

ATROCIOUS!

I am all about the free market entrepreneurial spirit but I think this place takes it too far, and for once I am serious.
I don't know how or why Mississippi allowed the opening of a chain of fetus taco places, but it is a disgrace and they should be closed down FOREVER.
That's my 2¢.

Drunk Douchebag Lookin to Score!

The Scene: As all the bars on State St close for the night at 2am.
The Talent: Wasted Girl and Douchebag Danny
The Scenario: Looks like someone will be waking up with no pants on and no recognition of who took her home from the bar. Hopefully this kid gets raped in jail.
Where are her friends!?!!

Hooters Turns 25

So Americas beloved Hooters chain turns 25 this year!
Isn't that awesome! Good for Hooters!
It's great to know that a chain restaurant can survive in America.
I always worry about chain restaurants, but 25 years of Hooters is proof that if you have the drive and will to succeed in the "chain game" you really can.
OK enough sarcasm.
This Hooters thing raises many questions for me.
Wanna see some, you can even discus them on your own if you like.
1. Is the original Hooters all saggy now?
2. Are any of the original girls still Hootin' it up for tips?
Or have they moved on other things?
3. Maybe some of them went to corporate?
4. Some of the girls who work there now, were not even alive when the original one opened, so do you think there is a mother daughter pair working there?
5. How do they fire old chics?
6. Do they have a no fat chic policy? or do the fat chics get Monday lunch shifts?
7. Based on the success of Hooters, do you think I should open up a "Packages" which is FOR the ladies, if you get my drift.
8. Do they have a Hooters hall of fame?
9. If they do, how many girls named Cheryl are in it? And do they retire bras and bra sizes? Would there be numbers on the wall (like in baseball) 36DD for example?
10. Most importantly do they have another 25 years left in em? I think all the Hooters around here went under?

The Audacity Of Dope

This is Obama just straight killin shit after the voting closed on Super Tuesday,
my man was illin'. Dude juggled If I ruled the world for like 10 mins, Mad skills.
I am 100% voting for this MF. BAD ASS DUDE.

Face? Rocked in half.

On Fire Alarms

These are the fire alarms in my office.
I often read too deeply into things.
But is this a black dude running from the pointy white flames of racism?
and the company that makes these is EST. Establishment maybe?

This is pretty awesome.

Social Security Is Running Out!

Don't worry Americans!
The powers that be have figured out the answer to the ever diminishing social security pool.
We give you the Bacon Blanket!
If we can get all the Boomers to eat these everday, everyone will be dead by 55!
America Rules!

awesome.

this thing is awesome.
http://www.tony-b.org/

Take Time For The Little Things

I this fast paced, instant oatmeal, email, crack addicted world we live in, you must not forget to take the time for the little things like bludgeoning a muppet to death.
Or smelling roses or something.

Study Results Are In

In a recent survey conducted by The Lyle Institute, it was found that crosseyed people have a 58% less chance of getting a drink at a bar than most "normal" eyed people.
The main problem seems to be the inability to make direct eye contact with the bartender.
When asked to comment on the study results Margo Pooter replied
"I hate ya'll straight gazers with your perfect vision and above average looks, I likes to get me a drink just like ya'lls but the 'tender be thinking I am talking to the cigarette machine."
Results will be published in this months issue of Awkward Gaze.

Beep Beep Bap Boop Beep

Did you ever stop to think about those noises that you hear everyday?
Like this noise here for example from the little key pad on all the doors in our office.
I hear it all day, and I have grown accustomed to its warming high pitch electric tones.
I don't know if it the false sense of security that this sound subliminally transimits or what, but its like falling asleep to crickets.

I take back the previous post

I guess Mr Obama isn't really black after all

I smell a fashion trend

and it smells like diapers.

Ha HA Conservative America!

The front runners for our next president are a Mormon, a chic and a black dude!
Now what? Hahahahah who ya gonna vote for?
Regardless of the political stand points of any of these candidates I just get a kick out of that fact that some backwater racist pig in Mississippi is swearing at the TV because he "Ain't voting for no broad, no coon, or no one who ain't behind Jesus the lord!"
This is awesome!
Imagine if our next president was a gay jewish black woman!
Everything would be gravy.
Take that red states!
I feel like this is a big step in the right direction.

I thought this was awesome.

Pictograms.
Language in its most basic form.
Big Thanks to Cave people and Milton Glaser for that.
(Milton Glaser came up with I Heart NY)

Ninja Robot Monkey

Thats right!
Ninja Robot Monkey.
Who will win?
Ninja is favorite at 11-1