ATROCIOUS!

I am all about the free market entrepreneurial spirit but I think this place takes it too far, and for once I am serious.
I don't know how or why Mississippi allowed the opening of a chain of fetus taco places, but it is a disgrace and they should be closed down FOREVER.
That's my 2¢.

Drunk Douchebag Lookin to Score!

The Scene: As all the bars on State St close for the night at 2am.
The Talent: Wasted Girl and Douchebag Danny
The Scenario: Looks like someone will be waking up with no pants on and no recognition of who took her home from the bar. Hopefully this kid gets raped in jail.
Where are her friends!?!!

Hooters Turns 25

So Americas beloved Hooters chain turns 25 this year!
Isn't that awesome! Good for Hooters!
It's great to know that a chain restaurant can survive in America.
I always worry about chain restaurants, but 25 years of Hooters is proof that if you have the drive and will to succeed in the "chain game" you really can.
OK enough sarcasm.
This Hooters thing raises many questions for me.
Wanna see some, you can even discus them on your own if you like.
1. Is the original Hooters all saggy now?
2. Are any of the original girls still Hootin' it up for tips?
Or have they moved on other things?
3. Maybe some of them went to corporate?
4. Some of the girls who work there now, were not even alive when the original one opened, so do you think there is a mother daughter pair working there?
5. How do they fire old chics?
6. Do they have a no fat chic policy? or do the fat chics get Monday lunch shifts?
7. Based on the success of Hooters, do you think I should open up a "Packages" which is FOR the ladies, if you get my drift.
8. Do they have a Hooters hall of fame?
9. If they do, how many girls named Cheryl are in it? And do they retire bras and bra sizes? Would there be numbers on the wall (like in baseball) 36DD for example?
10. Most importantly do they have another 25 years left in em? I think all the Hooters around here went under?

The Audacity Of Dope

This is Obama just straight killin shit after the voting closed on Super Tuesday,
my man was illin'. Dude juggled If I ruled the world for like 10 mins, Mad skills.
I am 100% voting for this MF. BAD ASS DUDE.

Face? Rocked in half.

On Fire Alarms

These are the fire alarms in my office.
I often read too deeply into things.
But is this a black dude running from the pointy white flames of racism?
and the company that makes these is EST. Establishment maybe?

This is pretty awesome.

Social Security Is Running Out!

Don't worry Americans!
The powers that be have figured out the answer to the ever diminishing social security pool.
We give you the Bacon Blanket!
If we can get all the Boomers to eat these everday, everyone will be dead by 55!
America Rules!

awesome.

this thing is awesome.
http://www.tony-b.org/

Take Time For The Little Things

I this fast paced, instant oatmeal, email, crack addicted world we live in, you must not forget to take the time for the little things like bludgeoning a muppet to death.
Or smelling roses or something.

Study Results Are In

In a recent survey conducted by The Lyle Institute, it was found that crosseyed people have a 58% less chance of getting a drink at a bar than most "normal" eyed people.
The main problem seems to be the inability to make direct eye contact with the bartender.
When asked to comment on the study results Margo Pooter replied
"I hate ya'll straight gazers with your perfect vision and above average looks, I likes to get me a drink just like ya'lls but the 'tender be thinking I am talking to the cigarette machine."
Results will be published in this months issue of Awkward Gaze.

Beep Beep Bap Boop Beep

Did you ever stop to think about those noises that you hear everyday?
Like this noise here for example from the little key pad on all the doors in our office.
I hear it all day, and I have grown accustomed to its warming high pitch electric tones.
I don't know if it the false sense of security that this sound subliminally transimits or what, but its like falling asleep to crickets.

I take back the previous post

I guess Mr Obama isn't really black after all

I smell a fashion trend

and it smells like diapers.

Ha HA Conservative America!

The front runners for our next president are a Mormon, a chic and a black dude!
Now what? Hahahahah who ya gonna vote for?
Regardless of the political stand points of any of these candidates I just get a kick out of that fact that some backwater racist pig in Mississippi is swearing at the TV because he "Ain't voting for no broad, no coon, or no one who ain't behind Jesus the lord!"
This is awesome!
Imagine if our next president was a gay jewish black woman!
Everything would be gravy.
Take that red states!
I feel like this is a big step in the right direction.

I thought this was awesome.

Pictograms.
Language in its most basic form.
Big Thanks to Cave people and Milton Glaser for that.
(Milton Glaser came up with I Heart NY)

Ninja Robot Monkey

Thats right!
Ninja Robot Monkey.
Who will win?
Ninja is favorite at 11-1

*@#!

I need to stop swearing so much.
I can use profanity in work,
I live with no "adult" figures.
So I can pretty much swear all fuckin day if i want.
I really need to make a conscious effort to curb that shit.

I am convinced

I went to the opening Celtics game on Friday night.
We have a pretty sick team.
KG, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce.
Guess who else was at the game?
?
Like half of the Red Sox (with Trophy)(and John Henry)
And half of the Patriots (with Bob Craft)
I am almost totally convinced that the Patriots and Red Sox got together with the Celtics and said
"Hey, here is some money, go buy yourself a good team"
It makes perfect sense on so many levels, for so many reasons.
Discuss.

Eden

You know what?
Everybody always talks about how great the Garden of Edan was, and how much of a huge bummer it is that we got kicked out (because Eve ate god's only apple and he really wanted it cuz he has one everyday for his beakfast or something).
But I bet Eden wasn't as cool as everyone thinks it was.
If you think about it, this "garden" was probably really, really hyped up.
Especially after all these centuries of old people regaling us with tales of their forgotten youth, this thing HAS to be way blown out of proportion.
I mean Eden is most likely one of those things that EVERYBODY talks about, like a new club or something, so you finally cave in and go check it out,
but this club isn't really fabulous at all its just a bunch of Eurotrash dudes drinking over priced drinks and grinding on the drunkest slut with the most boobs showing.
Even worse, the Garden of Eden was "supposedly" in Persia or something, and you know how those Persians can get in clubs.
And on top of everyting else picture the line outside this place, most likely the longest velvet rope EVER and all the stupid clergy just jump to the front of the line and get right in, while all of us common folk just stand there like idiots polishing our apples trying to dance to the faint thumping of some Gregorian chant chart topper. Screw that.
So I am kind of glad she ate that apple, after all fruit is delicious,
and I am OK with trading some hot sweaty overrated outdoor nudist Persian club scene for delicious fruit.